Category Archives: Humor

Hurricane Irene, or how the media attempts to inspire panic by taking Mother Nature in vain.

By all accounts there is a hurricane progressing toward the eastern seaboard of the United States. It also appears this will be the first major storm to make a direct hit on New York City since Hurricane Gloria (a category 2 hurricane) did so, back in 1985. Notice I said major storm, vice hurricane. Though all reasonable precautions should be taken, and if you know your particular neck of the woods is prone to flooding, it would be wise to seek higher ground before this storm makes such a move impossible. A major hurricane, one of category 4 or 5 status, would be just that, a major hurricane. Such is currently not the case with Hurricane Irene. While I am pondering this post, Irene is actually decreasing in strength, though this may change … hurricane prognostication is not an exact science, the whims of God and Nature are still outside the purview of even the best, and well intentioned weather guessers.

And that is my point. The media, specifically the various “weather channels” and 24hr news outlets, would have you believe at least one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse is going to be making a personal showing, atop his steed at the forefront of the approaching malstrom, as it makes landfall in the States, sometime this weekend. Inform the public at large, give the facts, provide as honest a near term forecast as possible, and that should be the extent of it. Throwing out worst case scenarios, speculation(s) based on an untold number of computer models, and or your inner id’s demand for sensationalism, does not help anyone.

Indeed, there are many who are ignoring all the warnings, both good and ill, staying home and shoring up for what may be coming. And to some extent, who can blame them. After all human nature is not all positive. Granted there are those who, based on personal experience, a strong understanding of their immediate environment (home and surrounding area), and a strong sense of self, will elect to wait out the storm. They will most likely be successful. There are others, many others, who fail to meet any one, or all of the criteria which their successful fellow traveler has met. So, they will find themselves, quite possibly at the mercy of Mother Nature, before the current storm completely passes them by (or perhaps very shortly there after). Of course there are those who “just don’t care”. Ironically, they are much like the drunk who gets into a collision, many times escaping with little physical injury (Or is completely splattered. They seldom, if ever find the middle ground.), and so will escape the storm with little worse than a hang over.

So for those of you who seek something to balance the scales of sensationalism a bit. Being well aware of the danger, but knowing literally which way the wind blows (and can convert from miles per hour to knots per hour). Along with those who “just don’t care. I have come up with an alternate “scale” for rating hurricanes. Instead of Categories 1-5, based on sustained wind speed inside of the storm … I give you the “Beer-hord Scale”

It breaks down as follows.

Tropical Depression/Storm = 2 six packs
Tropical Storm/Cat 1 Hurricane = 2 six packs up to 1 Case at Cat 1
Cat 1-2 Hurricane = 2 Cases
Cat 2-3 Hurricane = 2 Cases up to 4 cases when reaching Cat 3
Cat 3-4 Hurricane = 1 Keg
Cat 5 Hurricane = 2 Kegs

This also helps to validate the shelves being emptied, at a terrifically high rate of speed, from most grocery and liquor stores, as a given approaching storm becomes more of an immediate treat.

The picture below, should also be implemented to help said stores prepare for the onslaught of potentially storm ravaged customers, in need of liquid courage.

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Moving up the charts…

…from the number 45 spot, to the “hot top 10!” A fine salute to the Navy Seals, and a fitting fond farewell to one of Time magazines runners up for “Man of the Year”. Osama bin Laden, aka “Al Quida Rose”.

Hopefully, Sir Elton is smiling over this.

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Thank you Aggie!

Aggie, over at H&B has been bitten by the meme bug (or at least an interesting variety of same). I have seen this particular one before, but it is fun! “Fun” being something in far too short a supply these days, caused me to go waltzing around the internet to come up with this:
Like Tull only better!!

And as required by law, or at least by one fiery-eyed Texan, those who desire to do the same must follow these directions:

1 – Go to Wikipedia and hit random. The first random Wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.
2 – Go to quotationspage.com and hit random. The last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.
3 – Go to Flickr and click on “explore the last seven days”. Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.
4 – Use Photoshop or similar (picnik.com is a free online photo editor) to put it all together.
5 – Post it on your blog along with these instructions, and trackback or link to your post in these comments.

Give it a shot. Have some fun. What else are you going to do now that “Snowmaggedon” has come and gone. (You have cleared out your driveway haven’t you?)

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Filed under Humor, Scribbles

A Very Foamy Christmas

Felt the urge to do a compare and contrast between the “religion of peace” ™ ©  and what increasingly seems to be everyones favorite whipping boy, Christianity.  But my heart was not in it.  At this point one has to almost assume you either know in your heart, soul, and mind, which is far more deserving of humanities scorn.  And if you haven’t figured it out by now, no amount of reason, logic, and offerings of evidance is going to change your continued residency in a fantasy world of your own making… mind.

Soooo perhaps a bit of levity is what is really called for..  And who better to provide same but that lover of “creamy, creamy cheesecake, (and bagels)”.  Furry philosopher extraordinaire,   Foamy, the squirrel!!

And  for those who didn’t quite get it from the first one.  Here is another a bit more strident in his verve, but right on the money.  Enjoy!!

Oh what the hell!  Let’s make it a hat trick!

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Filed under Humor, Scribbles, The Care and Feeding of Progressives

The Early Retirement Saga continues.

Well, the last post talked about my potential windfall, and what I should do to address this. Should I give Ms. Lee and Mr. Donald Harry the information they requested? Should I send a polite thank you to them both, and await further instruction(s)? Should I blow the whole thing off?

Having read a few of the suggestions offered by the commenters of the previous post, I came up with something else. Something more fitting for this time of year. A time of sharing, of giving to those who have little or nothing, of those who are perhaps maligned or misunderstood. After all, why should I be blessed with this vast amount of money while there are those in far greater need.

In light of this, I sent the following attachment, in my response to their initial email. Hope you all enjoy it.

Man and Goat Greater Tolerance Society

M Brace, Able, & Ewe
Man and Goat Greater Tolerance Society
666 Beastie Alley, San Francisco, CA

Donald Harry
Officer In Charge
Pepsi Company, UK

Date 12/16/10

Dear Harry,
We have been made aware of a potential donation on your part, to our cause. As a non profit organization, of small (but ever growing) stature, a donation of such a large size, would morally demand much, much more then just a simple form “thank you for your donation” letter. Indeed, with such a sizable sum soon to be in our coffers, we can think of no better way to immortalize you (and by extension, your company) than in having your name prominently displayed on each and every book, pamphlet, video product, “plushie”, and other “adult novelties”, said monies allow us to create, license, and manufacture. These will go so very far in getting our message out to not only “fellow travelers”, but the public (world wide) at large.

But all good things in this world are in need of funding in order to get them going, and our Society is no exception. To this end, we have our crack team of accountants, lawyers, and financial advisors are standing by in order to facilitate, as expeditiously as possible, the transferring of funds from your capable hands, to ours.

In order to do this, we will require the name of your applicable financial institution, the institutions applicable financial officer(s), phone numbers, and account number(s) so as to be able to confirm the transfer of funds, and alert them should something go amiss. We will also need direct phone numbers for you (and your able assistant Ms. Lee), and copies of a valid picture identification for both of you, should our representatives or agents have occasion to be in personal contact with you. (I imagine a future photo opportunity would not be out of the question, considering the large sum of monies we stand to gain from this transaction.)

With warmest regards,

Woo Lee Ewe
President, CEO
Man and Goat Greater Tolerance Society

Was I too crass or not crass enough? What say you gentle reader?

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Filed under Humor, PC or not PC, Random Thoughts

At Long Last, I Can Retire!

I looked at my email, after we returned from the morning travels to the big city, and what to my wondering eyes should appear, but the following.

This is to inform you that your e-mail has won you a total sum of £350,000.00GBP in the Pepsi Christmas lottery which was held on the 10th of December, 2010. To claim your winning prize, please contact the officer in charge (Mr. Donald Harry: pepsi.dharry@rogers.com) with the information requested as below:

Full Name:
Mailing Address:
Mobile No:
Occupation:
Sex:
Age:
Country:

Further information about fund disbursement will be communicated to you after responding to this notice.

Thank you.

Mary Lee
Public Announcer

NOTE: ALL CORRESPONDENCE AND RESPONSE MUST BE ADDRESSED TO DONALD HARRY: (pepsi.dharry@rogers.com)

Now, Ms Nitschke’s (I wonder if she is related to the late great middle linebacker, Ray Nitschke? If so, perhaps I had better take her up on the offer or things could get ugly.) name was at the Heading of the email, and her address is (was?) “mnitschk-at-linfield.edu”. And Mr Donald Harry (at “pepsi.dharry-at-rogers.com”) are both willing to award me this vast amount of money 350 million pounds (British), which equates to roughly $55,492,730. No small change, indeed. And all because my email was somehow selected as the “winner”. By whom, when, and where? And Pepsi is running major contests in Great Brittin and not in their country of origin? Not to mention (alright, I will!) neither individual has an email addy which properly lists pepsi … something akin to “harrystinkfinger-at-pepsico.com”, or the like.

I don’t know. This is the season for “Christmas miracles”. Should I blow this off … OR should I have some fun with it, much like Steve, at the old “Hog on Ice” did with his Nigerian friends?

What do ya’ll think?

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Just for fun

Have to do some silly stuff once and awhile

Quiz: What Kind of Conservative Are You?

My Conservative Identity:

You are an Anti-government Gunslinger, also known as a libertarian conservative or Tea Partier. You believe in smaller government, states’ rights, gun rights, and that, as Reagan once said, “The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, ‘I’m from the government and I’m here to help.’”

Take the quiz at
About.com Political Humor

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